Merry

I think this might be my 10th post (or close to it) of the night!  Woo hoo!  It's time for bed but after all this catching up I just need to ramble for a little bit!  I've kind of had a hard year.  I feel a little guilty saying that because I've been so blessed (seriously, sooo blessed;) but along with all of the good has come a little hard.  I was pretty dang sick with this pregnancy - guh morning sickness - weird neck and head stuff that left me flat on my back for a lot of days - and in the last month I've had hand foot and mouth disease (that's awesome let me just say) a kidney infection, the flu and the worst burning yeast boobs - tmi I know - in the whole world!  But with each hard thing - I've been able to learn something so important.  I think that Heavenly Father knows that I pay attention when something is off with my body and I guess he's had a lot to teach me lately because I've been taught be so so many important lessons this year through these little maladies I've had to deal with.  My kids have watched a ton of TV.  Sorry Clara and Gray.  I'm so glad you are so easily entertained though.  Not sure what I would have done without PBS kids this year!  (funny side story - one day in the midst of morning sickness death - I was feeling a little bit better and we had some friends over playing with play dough - Clara looked at me and said, this is such a fun activity mom!  For more fun activities you can go to "parents@pbs.org"! cool....)  Anyway, my point in all this is, along with the hard comes so much gratefulness.  Other people go through a lot more than this - but for me - this has been kind of tricky.  I've felt sort of "done" a few times.  Last Sunday was crazy.  crazy.  Graham had been screaming since like 5:00 o clock - Clara and Grady were being naughty - I was really worried for a good friend, Brandon was planning on having lasik surgery in the morning and kind of freaked out - our house was a mess, dinner dishes were still out (and my kids plates were still untouched, love that) and things felt nuts. How hard can it be to brush, go potty, get on a pull-up and come sit down for scriptures and prayers dang it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!    The phone started to ring  and it was one of those minutes where the last thing I needed was to talk on the phone, so I ignored it, but helpful Grady didn't!  He pushed the talk button but didn't say hello, he just ran it over to Brandon.  Graham was literally screaming bloody murder - and it was for me.  I took the phone, told Brandon to "hold this" (baby Graham) and went into my dark bedroom and shut the door.  It was the Bishops wife.  "Are you doing okay?"  she asked.  Yes!  I was!  I was in my dark bedroom with the door shut in my comfy chair and I just wanted to hide!  She asked if she should call back later,  "No!"  I said, I wanted to sit and chat with someone who wasn't going to tell me "no" for a minute!  But I changed my mind, told her I better go and laughed as she said, "you're a fighter, I know you can do it!" (meaning get my kids in bed:)  Anyway - it was nuts and I wanted to pull my hair out - how can taking care of three little beings be so crazy!!!

Fast forward 24 hours.  Things were calm.  Dinner was yummy and my kids ate it.  We made cinnamon popcorn and mulled cider and sat down in front of our lovely little lit tree for a special christmasy family home evening.  We were cuddly and warm.  My kids were being funny, my husband was kind and handsome as usual (and he could see!!!! Hallelujah for lasik!!!!) My house felt peaceful and happy.  We felt the spirit as we watched a movie about the nativity.  Everything felt so safe and warm and to top things off I was cuddling a baby!  I love babies even more than I can say and this one was warm and soft and sweet smelling and mine! My very own baby to cuddle!  I was so  happy I thought my heart would explode.  This is my dream!! This is my dream come true - I have all of this and a baby to boot!!! How can I be so lucky!  I felt like I was looking in on a pretend scene - not my life!  I am so lucky and so thankful and if rough stuff didn't happen every once in a while a night at home cuddled up with my children and my lovely husband probably wouldn't seem like the most glorious and wonderful thing in the entire world.  More wonderful than I can even say.  I am so happy and so grateful.  Some days are dang tough - and I am so tired - but I think this is more worth it than I can image.